1. What are the basic maxims of politeness?

2. What makes a good listener?

3. What are the most important indi­cators of a good listener?

4. Do you agree that paralinguistic features (body language, gesture, eye contact, facial expression, etc.) are very important in real communication?

Express the following in one word.

1. lacking information or knowledge

1. lack of confidence
2. lack of willingness
3. feel sorry about something that has happened
4. say sorry
5. make someone do something that they do not want to do
6. tell someone about a feeling, opinion, etc. / show a feeling on your face or give information by your behaviour

Find a synonym in the box for each underlined word or phrase.

1. There’s nothing to be sorry about. You haven’t done anything wrong.
2. Go and say sorry to your mother, Andrew.
3. She showed a complete lack of interest in her own baby.
4. Facial expression and gesture are almost as important as language for expressing meaning.
5. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him I was leaving.

Choose a word from the box to complete each sentence . Some words may be used more than once.

1. That was an awful thing to say – I think you should ___.
2. I always find it hard to ___ my feelings.
3. You need patience and ___ to be a good teacher.
4. I must ___ for my son’s behaviour – he isn’t usually this moody.
5. Do you want my ___? I think you’re taking a terrible risk.
6. Mr Johnson thinks it’s too risky, and I tend to ___ with him.
7. She pretended she wasn’t excited but the ___ on her face gave her away.
8. She could be very good at this work, but she lacks ___.

Read and learn how different nations behave in the same situations. Think about whether this is different in your culture.

Saying it without words

Good manners are manifested not only in the way we speak but also in the way we move. Mind your mimics and your body language, don’t gestic­ulate too much. These are the general rules, but much depends on national traditions. Say, handshaking in Great Britain is not so widely used as in Europe. Older people in Britain usually shake hands when they meet for the first time, but young people don’t do this very often. In France, many people of all ages shake hands every time they see each other – they say the French spend 20 minutes a day shaking hands! In Britain, men often kiss women friends once or twice on the cheek and women sometimes kiss each other too, but men don’t usually kiss each other. However, men in the Arab world often hug and kiss each other on the cheek. Meanwhile, in Japan, people bow when they meet each other; neither men nor women kiss in public.

When Americans meet and speak, there is about a 2–4 feet distance between them. However, if you watch a Japanese speaking to an American you will see him moving towards the American, trying to shorten the distance between them, which makes the American move backwards. Video recordings of this phenomenon give an impression that both men are danc­ing around the conference room. It partly explains why, when negotiating business, Asians and Americans sometimes misunderstand each other, the Americans thinking of the Asians as “too familiar” and the Asians regarding the Americans as “too cold” and “too official”.

Americans like people who smile and agree with them, but Australians are more interested in people who disagree with them. So sometimes Americans think Australians are rude and unfriendly, and Australians think polite friendly Americans are boring! In Europe, it’s friendly to smile at strangers, but in many Asian countries it isn’t polite. And in Japan you must cover your mouth when you smile or laugh.

In Western cultures, young people and adults look each other in the eye during a conversation to show interest and trust, but in many Asian countries, it’s rude to look people in the eye, especially a superior such as a teacher. In Britain and the United States it isn’t polite to stare at strangers, but Indians often look long and thoughtfully at people they don’t know.

In Britain, it’s polite to respond during conversations and to make comments to show that you’re interested. But in parts of Northern Europe and in Japan, it’s quite common for people to stay silent when someone is talking to them. In China, Japan, and Korea, young people don’t usually start conversations with adults and only speak if an adult speaks to them. In contrast, Americans encourage young people to start conversations.