TEXT 1

Politeness Conventions

The basic principle of politeness is to show respect for the partner. The principle can be embodied in a number of maxims¹:

1. Do not be dogmatic. Remember that the partner may have a different opinion. This maxim implies²:

a) The use of I think, I believe, I expect as introducers or as tags. If they are unstressed, their use does not indicate uncertainty³ or lack of confidence⁴.

I think his mother is Italian. She comes from Calabria, I believe.

b) The use of you know, of course to imply that the partner is not ignorant.

Of course, his mother is Italian, you know.

с) The use of tag questions to invite the partner’s agreement (falling intonation) or confirmation⁵ (rising intonation).

His mother is Italian, isn’t she?

2. Be reluctant⁶ to say what may distress or displease the partner. This maxim implies such strategies as:

a) Expressing the reluctance:

I don’t want to be difficult but … (e.g. this machine doesn’t work).

I don’t like saying so, but … (e.g. the music is too loud).

b) Seeking the partner’s agreement:

I hope you don’t mind …

Don’t you agree that …?

с) Apologizing or expressing regret:

I’m sorry but … (your work is not good enough).

I’m afraid you can’t smoke in here.

3. Do not force the partner to act. Allow him to appear to act voluntarily. This maxim implies:

a) Adding please whenever you call for action by the partner.

Where is the toilet, please? (asking the information)

A return ticket, please. (requesting something)

Sit down, please. (giving instructions, orders)

b) Avoiding⁷ simple imperatives⁸ when asking the partner to do something for you. Instead, ask if he

· is willing to act: Will you open the window, please?

· is able to act: Can you open this tin for me, please?

· wishes to act: Would you like to help me, please?

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¹ maxim – максима (краткое изречение, выражающее общеизвестную истину, правило поведения или этический принцип)

² imply – предполагать, подразумевать, заключать в себе, значить

³ uncertainty – неуверенность, нерешительность

⁴ confidence – уверенность, убеждённость

⁵ confirmation – подтверждение

⁶ reluctant – делающий что-л. с большой неохотой, вынужденный

⁷ avoid – избегать

⁸ imperative – повелительное наклонение, императив; повеление; распоряжение

TEXT 2

How to Be a Good Listener?

Careful listening can build good relations. It can help you make friends and settle arguments.

Some practical advice

SHOW YOUR INTEREST

a) non-verbally – letting your ‘body lan­guage’ show that you are paying attention: nodding¹ your head, frequently looking the person in the eye, etc. When seated lean² forward slightly. Don’t scowl³, frown, fold your arms, etc.

b) verbally – inviting the speaker to say more, e.g. by saying: I see. Really? Oh? Tell me more.

DO NOT INTERRUPT

Pay attention to the speaker. Don’t inter­rupt⁴ him/her even though you think you know what the speaker is going to say. Save your thoughts until the other person has fin­ished talking.

SUM UP WHAT HAS BEEN SAID

Restate (paraphrase) what the other person has said in your own words. This will tell the speaker whether you understood what he or she said, and it will give the speaker a chance to explain again and correct any misunderstanding. Ask questions if necessary. Typical phrases used in beginning a clarify­ing⁵ response: Are you saying (restate in other words)? I heard you say (then summarize).

LISTEN FOR FEELINGS

In paraphrasing the other person’s ideas don’t mimic or parrot⁶ his/her exact words. Also, avoid any indication of approval⁷ or disapproval. Refrain from blaming⁸, giving advice or persuading⁹. For example, the phrase "Oh, you shouldn’t let that upset¹⁰ you!" suggests that the per­son’s feelings are wrong. But feelings are not right or wrong – they just are. Sometimes people just want to express their feelings – they are not looking for advice.

If you have something to offer, ask first. Try to show understanding and acceptance of the other person’s feelings or experience. For example, say “Yes, I see that this is important to you”, or “I understand (appre­ciate, value) what it means to you (or how it makes you feel)”, or “It’s really sad (great, emotional, amazing, unfair, etc.).”

Especially important is to show under­standing and acceptance of the other per­son’s expressed feelings or opinions when you want to disagree, or when you have dif­ferent opinion or perspective. In this case it is appropriate to say “What you have said is really important (you can repeat the per­son’s statement). There is something that I want to add (point out, mention).

Smiling is one of the most important indi­cators of a good listener! This does not mean laughing at someone, or grinning, or an ironic face. Just keeping a friendly smile on your face, nodding your head and saying "uhm..." from time to time will get you the recognition of a good listener and a nice person. This will be an important message to another person, which will indicate that you are happy to be in his/her company, that you are paying attention to the con­versation, and you are not preoccupied with your own stressful or sad thoughts instead of listening.

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¹ nod – кивнуть головой

² lean – наклоняться; склоняться

³ scowl – хмуриться, хмурить брови; смотреть сердито

⁴ interrupt – обрывать, прерывать

⁵ clarify – прояснить

⁶ parrot – механически повторять

⁷ approval – одобрение; благоприятное мнение

⁸ blame – порицать, осуждать, критиковать

⁹ persuade – убеждать (в чём-л.); урезонивать

¹⁰ upset – расстраивать, огорчать

DID YOU KNOW?

93 per cent of our communica­tion with others is non-verbal. What we actu­ally say makes up only seven per cent of the picture! That’s what US scientist Ray Birdwhistell found out when he began to study body language back in the 1950s. He filmed conversations and then played them back in slow motion to examine gestures, expressions and posture¹. When he noticed the same move­ments happening again and again, he realised that the body can talk too!

We use our bodies to send mes­sages all the time. We nod instead of saying “Yes^”, shrug our shoulders to mean “I don’t know”, or raise our eye­brows to show surprise.

But even when we don’t want other people to know how we’re feel­ing, our body language can give us away². The way we sit or stand, the expression on our face can reveal³ far more than words.

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¹ give away – выдавать, разоблачать (кого-л.)

² posture – положение тела, поза

³ reveal – обнаруживать, показывать