My parents’ marriage is very traditional in many ways. They met and fell in love during their senior year in high school and married soon after they graduated. They take pride in the fact that both of them were virgins when they married. Within a year after they married, my mother gave birth to their first child and later had three more children. My father’s job was to earn enough money to support our family, and my mother’s job was to stay home and take care of our family. My father knew he was the boss of the family; he ran the roost with a firm but fair hand. My mother knew she was the boss only when my father was not home.

My father worked at a hardware store. My mother never dreamed of working outside the home – my father always said “a woman’s place is in the home.” Mother always did what Dad wanted – she cooked his favorite foods, waited on him everyday, and basically did whatever he thought was best.

My father’s job at home was to take care of all the maintenance work; to do the heavy chores like lawn care and gardening. My mother’s job was to cook, clean, and care for the children. My father was the disciplinarian: if we did something wrong he would come looking for us with his big black belt and give us a whack across the backside. My mother was the nurturer: she read to us and made chocolate chip cookies for us and insisted that we take a bath every other night.

When I look back on my childhood, I realize that life back then was much simpler. Men and women knew what they needed from each other and each person was clear about what responsibilities they had. Men and women didn’t expect to be equal to each other but their relationship was based on their love and respect for each other.

J. Cammeron

Karen and Rod’s Common-Law Marriage

On Valentine’s Day three years ago, Rod took Karen out for dinner and asked her to live with him. “Move in with me,” he said. “I love you and cannot live without you.” Karen loved Rod too and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but was disappointed that he had not asked her to marry him. She wanted a traditional marriage – lifelong commitment, children, and a home. Rod sensed her uncertainty and said, “What does a piece of paper have to do with our love for each other? I love you and only you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Love alone should hold a couple together more than a marriage license. And besides, when we both are ready, we can still get married.”

Karen thought about what Rod said. She didn’t want to lose him. “I should follow my heart,” she told herself. “Maybe Rod is right – our love for each other is more important than a marriage license.” So she moved in with Rod. She thought she could build a life with him based on mutual love and personal commitment to each other.

Now, three years later, Rod recently told Karen that he wanted to end their relationship. “We have nothing in common anymore,” he said. “I want a woman who is more exciting than you.” Karen now realizes that when she agreed to live with Rod without marrying, she gave away her dreams of marriage and family to settle for something less than what she wanted. Now, she has to start her life all over again. She knows it won’t be easy – she hasn’t dated anyone for three years, most of her friends are married, and she is older now and less attractive.

Karen now realizes that love isn’t enough to hold two people together. She wishes she had been smarter three years ago and had waited for a marriage proposal from Rod.

1. What is the purpose of marriage?

2. What do most people envision when they speak of a committed traditional marriage?

3. What are the key gender roles of men and women?

4. What is a common-law marriage?

5. What do you think about this kind of arrangement?

6. What is a perfect family for you?