So much of what we do is governed by the opinions of others, or out of concern for what others might think. However, there is something much more pervasive going on. There is a process operating in the lives of all human beings called "social proofing" which basically means that we derive most of our social values, morals, imperatives and taboos from those around us. In a more universal sense, this is known as Entrainment.

Entrainment occurs in a wide range of physical and biological systems. For example, if you place a number of pendulum clocks in the same room and set their pendulums moving completely out of synchrony, after a reasonable period of time, you can return to find all the pendulums moving in perfect synchrony to each other. It is well known that large groups of women who live in closed communities, e.g. nuns or female convicts, will tend to have precisely the same menstrual cycle. If you have ever watched those wildlife films on TV, you may remember seeing an entire shoal of fish, consisting of thousands of individuals, moving and turning as a single entity. The same happens with certain species of birds in flight. Yet, there is no known way that the individuals in such groups can communicate such global messages in such a way as to affect the whole group simultaneously.

Not surprisingly, similar processes occur in human society, but often in areas where we believe we have conscious control. Think about it for a moment. How many of your social values, morals, and opinions did you consciously sit down and decide upon? If you are honest with yourself, you will have to admit that very few were a result of your own deliberate decisions. Most of it arises from "social proofing"; the beliefs and values of our friends, relations and work colleagues. In other words, many of the beliefs and values you cherish and might even die for had nothing to do with your own deliberate rational thought! You simply picked them up from elsewhere, literally without thinking!

Yet, it is so vital to take conscious control of these processes. To fail to do so is to behave like a robot, to live life half-asleep, and to seriously under-achieve compared to all you might be capable of. Here are just a few common examples of social proofing that many of us buy into without much thought.

(1) Marriage. Roughly half of all marriages end in divorce, often bitter and acrimonious, with severe financial/emotional consequences for one of both parties and any children that may have resulted. Of those that last the course, a large percentage are drab affairs in which the partners hardly seem alive at all. Yet we see in excess of 70-80% of the population cheerfully tying the knot to people that half of them end up despising within a few short years! Why? First, because of the expectations of society and of parents. Despite many changes, single people are still regarded as rather abnormal and deficient; and nobody wants to be thought of like that.

Second, in order to bring up children. But is this really the only way? Are there really no alternatives? Ah, but then we would get into even more social proofing; the social/religious "immorality" of children born out of wedlock……

(2) Religion. Whether you believe that God is indivisibly ONE, or three personalities within the ONE, or a huge number of separate personalities, or even if you don't believe in God at all – much of it is a result of social proofing. Your beliefs of the intrinsic nature of God and the universe can literally depend on the accident of which country you
happened to be born in.

Can you imagine the social consequences of a Moslem in Yemen or Saudi Arabia converting to Hinduism?! When Christians glibly assert the Triune nature of God, they have no idea how much blood was shed in the early Church for decades on just this subject alone. Bishops and their entire congregations were literally murdered by rival "Christians" owing to differences in opinion so infinitesimal that it defies belief today that it could have caused so much death and misery. Yet today, Christians the world over buy into the Triune nature of God as part of the package without ever exercising the kind of independent thought that the early church has to at least be given some credit for. Social Proofing again. So even our philosophy of the metaphysical is often determined by others.

(3) Politics. Whilst it is easy to be socially or financially entrained into voting for the same political party again and again, how many of us fail to see the wood for the trees when we don't even once ask ourselves whether Democracy itself is a valid political system to begin with? Why do we simply accept it as the best or only system possible? Because the politicians and the media tell us it is! And nobody around us ever questions it either. In the age of global telecommunication, international commerce, and the internet, why do we still buy into the concept of Nation States – an outdated concept that originated with primitive tribes and chieftains countless millennia ago?

(4) Education/Career. Do you think education is a good thing or a bad thing? Do you believe that the smartest and best educated always end up the wealthiest, the most successful, or the most happy? Did you decide to go (or to not go) to university because you sat and deliberated over the pros and cons, or because everyone around you were either planning to go (or not go) themselves? If your father is a multi-millionaire, do you feel comfortable starting your own shoe repair business?

The list is endless. We could go on and on. Social Proofing is so
pervasive and subtle that we are close to having to admit that very few of our opinions are actually our own. Yet, we make major decisions in all aspects of our lives based upon ideas, attitudes, opinions and beliefs that we imbibed from society without a second thought! No wonder so many people's lives are unhappy or confused.

So what should we do? Get conscious! We need to question our most
comfortable beliefs and opinions in all areas. For the truth is that whatever we believe, for good or ill, becomes our reality. We must take control of our thoughts and opinions or we will be in danger of remaining a comfortable conformist cog in an ever dysfunctional society, always looking to others to know how we should think, behave and act.

So learn to live outside the known and the norm. Take chances. Embrace the unfamiliar and the unorthodox. Try to examine your own cherished views and see whether they arise from your own rational thought processes or were imbibed from the social culture around you. Examine the situations and relationships that you now find yourself in. One good exercise to break the chains of conventional thinking is to ask yourself, "Knowing what I now know, if I had to do it again, would I do it?" This can apply to a relationship, work situation, anything. Asking this one question can set you free from a lot of unconsciously accepted bondage.

Whilst social proofing will always be with us, because it is almost impossible to view ourselves totally objectively, we can certainly learn to take conscious control and minimize its damaging effects. So take control of your thought processes and literally question everything you have grown up so comfortable with. By doing so, you can begin the process of giving yourself more choices and unshackling yourself from chains of bondage and conformity that you didn't even realize you were wearing.

Initiation

An extract taken from by Joice Carol Oates’ novel “I’ll take you there.”

Read and discuss.

I hereby consecrate myself heart, soul, and intellect to the ideals of Kappa Gamma Pi and the promise of sacred sisterhood. United in our bond, so long as I shall live. None of the aforesaid secrets will I reveal. This bond I shall never forsake. I pledge my heart. In the basement of the imposing old house at 91 University Place was a consecrated space: the ritual meeting room. Each sorority and fraternity surely had its consecrated space, probably in the basement of their houses, but it was the ritual meeting room of the Kappa Gamma Pi house that seemed to me so very special. In 1938, this room had been sanctified for Kappa ritual by national Kappa officers, and meetings of the sorority involving "ritual" could take place only here, according to the bylaws "under strictly confidential and private circumstances." A locked door, absolute secrecy, and no outsiders anywhere near. Even for Kappas it was forbidden to enter the ritual meeting room except at such times as the room was officially opened by the doorkeeper. Only this elected officer and the president and vice-president of the chapter had keys to the room which was kept locked at all times; Mrs. Thayer, of course, had no key. This is a room, a space, no ordinary individuals can enter. It was strikingly decorated in Kappa ebony-and-gold wallpaper; its low, soundproofed ceiling was a somber slate blue. At the front of the rectangular room was an altar on a raised platform; the altar was draped in cream-colored silk embossed with in gold. Many-pronged silver candelabra were placed on the altar. At the tops of three of the walls were small square windows covered in opaque gauze (to prevent anyone from looking in) like bandages over empty eye sockets. The ritual meeting room spanned the length of the cavernous living room overhead, but not all of the space was used. Folding chairs were set in rows at the front; the rear of the space was used for storage. And it didn't seem very clean or tidy at the rear. The aura of romance ended at about the halfway point. During ritual ceremonies (pledging, initiation) which were sacred events in the Kappa calendar, the meeting room was softly lit by thirty-six candles; at other times, for business meetings, it was lit by practical overhead lights that cast shadows beneath our eyes and chins, and made the most glamorous Kappas look haggard. You did not simply walk into the meeting room: you had to be, following the bylaws, "granted entrance." This meant lining up in silence on the basement stairs outside the room, seniors first, then juniors, and underclasswomen; at the shut door you gave the ritual Kappa knock (rap, pause, two quick raps and a pause, a final rap); when the doorkeeper opened the door you gave her the ritual handshake (crossed hands, twined fingers squeezed in a code replicating the knock) which I would invariably fumble out of nervousness and embarrassment at such intimacy with a girl I scarcely knew; you then whispered in the doorkeeper's ear the password (a Greek phrase of which I was never certain and always murmured softly: it sounded like Hie-ros minosa or minoosa; the doorkeeper then granted you entrance, quietly you slipped into the room and took your place amid the rows of seated girls. My initiation ceremony passed in a haze of anxiety and light-headedness tinged with nausea. Like most of the pledges I hadn't been allowed to sleep for forty-eight hours; I'd had to fast, and follow Hell Week instructions scrupulously. Though I was the most obedient and craven of pledges, dreading a last-minute dismissal, the initiates seemed to see in my very complicity the seeds of rebellion, even treason; they were hard on me, and I acquiesced in every particular. Physical hazing in fraternities and sororities was supposed to have been banned from campus since deaths and disfigurements and serious injuries had occurred not many years before; my Kappa sisters did not lay hands on us, except to steady us, and "walk" us blindfolded along mysterious corridors and up and down flights of stairs. Inside the meeting room, however, our blindfolds were removed. Why am I here? What is this place? These strangers? Who are they to me, who am I to them? I blinked like a nocturnal animal blinded by light. I tasted panic, nausea. I was frightened of becoming hysterical. Bursting into laughter, rushing to the door, slapping and kicking at anyone who tried to stop me. I knew myself in the presence of individuals capricious and arbitrary in their cruelty as the ancient Greek gods. I'd meant to make my family proud of me, initiated into a national sorority. But my mother and father were dead. I began to cry softly, helplessly. No no no this is a mistake. This is a he this ridiculous ritual you yourself are a he . The president and another officer were solemnly intoning Greek words at the altar and burning parchment paper on which had been written secret words "too sacred to be uttered aloud except at this time and in this place" in a silver bowl, amid rose petals; someone tugged at my arm, I glanced up partly blinded and allowed myself to be led on trembling legs to the altar to make my "final vow." I was both fully conscious of my surroundings, yet unconscious as an infant. I seemed to be floating against the acoustic-tile ceiling. I saw that my face was streaked with tears and my forehead and nose greasy. I understood that my mother who was Ida was one of the gowned officers, a beautiful senior at whose glowing face I scarcely dared to look; I was aware of sanity slipping from me like ice melting beneath my feet; my father too was grinning at me gap-toothed, with an air of angry satisfaction and I vowed I would not, my hand pressed against my pounding heart as I vowed my life as the ceremony concluded and I stood with my dazed sister pledges weeping like newborn infants in the realization I am a Kappa Gamma Pi for life . And then I fainted. Softly limp as a bundle of laundry, onto the chilly and not-very-clean concrete floor.

In your discussion make use of the following words and word combinations:

· a consecrated space, the bylaws - regulations made by a local authority, absolute secrecy, decorations, final vow

· initiation, initiation ceremony, pledging ( Pledge of Allegiance - a solemn oath of loyalty to the U.S., declaimed as part of flag-saluting ceremonies, также  клятва верности (американскому флагу) (как правило произносится в начале дня в государственных органах и учреждениях, напр., школах; первоначальный вариант клятвы написан в 1892 г.)

· hazing - humiliating and sometimes dangerous initiation rituals, esp. as imposed on college students seeking membership to a fraternity or sorority; seven officers of the fraternity were charged with hazing

· Kappa Gamma Pi, (Kappa Alpha Theta "Каппа Альфа Тета"- крупное женское студенческое общество [sorority ]; первое в стране из числа названных буквами греческого алфавита ) [Greek-letter societies ]. Основано в 1870 в Университете Де-По [DePauw University]; also Kappa Alfa - крупное студенческое братство [fraternity]; из ныне действующих в стране студенческих братств было создано первым (в 1825 в колледже Юнион [Union College])

· arbitrary - ['ɑbɪtr(ə)rɪ] капризный, деспотический

Man and Space