A Cuban, a Frenchman, an American, and an American lawyer are riding on a train. The Cuban begins praising one his nation's most famous products.

«In Cuba», he says, «we make the world's finest cigars. Just smell this beautiful hand-rolled cigar. Furthermore, we make them in such abundance that we can waste them with impunity». Saying that, he tosses the cigar out the window of the speeding train.

The Frenchman responds, «Oui, that is quite true, and in my country we make the finest cheeses». He displays a hunk of fine cheese to the others and says, «France is famous for its fine cheeses, and we produce so much that we too can waste them without a thought.» Saying that, he casts the cheese out the window of the train.

The American gets up and throws the lawyer out the window.

An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends. «Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians.»

The lone European in the group pondered all this for a second and responded, «I can't say about the police and the trains, but you're probably right about going out to eat. A restaurant in Hell would be one where the cooks are British and the waiters are French - and the customers are all Americans.»

What do you call a county that lacks a modern telecommunications system?
»Technologically backward»

What do you call a county that lacks a fully integrated banking system?
»Economically underdeveloped.»

What do you call a country that lacks a well-connected public transportation system?
«America»

What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
«Multilingual».

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
«Bilingual».

What do you call someone who speaks one language?
«An American».

What do you call a person who professionally generates maps of the world?
A cartographer.

What do you call an academician who studies the global distribution of resources or cultural characteristics?

A geographer.

What do you call a person who is ignorant of global geography?
An American.

Four literary scholars are conversing over drinks after a day at an international meeting. As the drinks begin to take effect, the British expert begins bragging.

«Britain produced the finest form of literary expression in the sonnet,» he says. «It's fourteen lines of perfect romantic expression.»

The Irish scholar retorts «Ireland produced a far more effective and efficient literary form in the limerick. In just five lines, we can express a variety of thoughts, many of them making fun of you Brits».

The Japanese savant calmly says «In Japan we have perfected literary expression in the haiku. We express the most profound concepts in just three lines and seventeen syllables.»

The American jumps up and says, «Well, we can beat that. We've perfected communication with a one-unit literary form, and we've covered our entire country with it. It's the billboard».

A Russian and an American are talking: - When I'm in a good mood I drive a car painted a light color, says the American. When I'm busy or have a lot of troubles, I drive a darker colored car. When I go for vacation overseas, I pick a brightly colored car. - Things are much easier in Russia, says the Russian. If you are in a good mood, they will give you a ride in yellow car with a blue stripe. If you feel bad, the car will be white and the stripe red. I was abroad only once, and there I drove a tank.

During his visit to the USSR, Nixon was intrigued by a new telephone capable of connecting with hell. He spoke briefly with the devil, and the call cost him 27 cents. When he came back home, he found out that this same service was now available in the US too. He tried it again and received a bill for $12,000. Nixon was distressed. - How come?! The same call only cost me 27 cents in the USSR. - Well, said the operator. Over there it is a local call.

An American physician asked his Russian collegue: - Is it true that there are cases in your country where a patient was treated for one disease, only to have the autopsy reveal another cause of death. - Absolutely not. All our patients die from the diseases we treat them for.

Three recently deceased persons, a Brit, a Russian, and an American, are making their way down to Hell. Each is carrying something with him: The Brit is carrying a shovel, the Russian is carrying an extra pair of shoes, and the American is carrying some cans of liquid. As they trudge along, the American asks his comrades why they're carrying the things they are.

The Brit responds, «Well, sir, I know the Devil keeps it awfully hot in Hell, and he makes blokes like us shovel coal to keep it that way. I was always fond of this particular shovel when I worked in the mines back home, so I brought it along for the job.»

The Russian responds, «Like our comrade says, it's awfully hot in Hell. These shoes have thick soles that protected me from the ice and snow of Siberia, and I'm hoping that they can save my feet from the hot ground on which we'll be toiling for eternity.»

The American puts down his cans and says in disbelief, «If it's as hot in Hell as you fellows say, then do you mean I'm not going to be able to get ice for my Coca-Cola?»